Dear constituents of high constitution,
First of all, we’ll solve climate change by developing amps that run on pure solar and merch consisting of reclaimed wooden t-shirts and small-batch shopping totes made from recycled ice. We’ll make vaccinations required for singer/songwriters, and we’ll give dogs the right to wear bifocals. We’ll cut spending on snacks. Of course, we’ll increase funding to organizations such as Humans Against Harmonicas and The Foundation to Help Unwed Children Acquire the Complete Matador Records Discography. Our three-part plan is to start strong, stumble about blindly in the middle, and finish very very strong.
If you need empirical evidence as respects why we are the best candidate for the best job, here are two items:
1. We have a new song. It’s called “Holidays Underwater” and it’s the last track on our new quad-split 7-inch Torrential Zen, being released by Uninhabitable Mansions this Friday. Please we exhort you to do what’s right for your country and listen to the song and buy the vinyl in this polling location >>>
2. We are playing a show this week. It’s called “Friday night at Death by Audio” and we’re playing with Forgetters, Tiny Tusks, and Weird Fantasy Band. Friday night is equivalent to November 9th, and Death by Audio is at 49 South 2nd Street in Brooklyn. The victory party (featuring DJ Broccoli Obama on the decks) begins at 8pm.
This correspondence has been funded by the Super PAC Restore America’s Radicality. We approve this message.